Reflections

While You Were Sleeping…

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As exhausted parents, we can’t wait for our kids’ bedtimes to arrive any faster. We look forward to it like some trophy at the end of a day of hard labor. It’s our kid-free time and we want to make the most of it! But the moment the kids are asleep, we start missing them and can’t stop talking and thinking about them.

So here’s one set of typical things that I do as a parent while our son is off to dreamland. Enjoy these random musings!

While you were sleeping…

  • …I quietly pried myself away from your tight bear hug. I sneaked out of the room, tiptoeing all the way like we practiced during play time today.
  • …I did a happy jig because it was my alone time, at last.
  • …I made myself a leisurely cup of tea and sipped it calmly; you were not there to demand a taste or to keep dipping the tea bag in it long after it had served its purpose, just for fun! I kind of missed the urgency that your presence dictates to my tea/coffee breaks. I am used to it by now.
  • …I browsed through the newspaper on my phone, the news was mostly crap; I wondered why the hell does I even bother. Perhaps it is time for me to change the app to a better news vendor (know of any?)….may be I will figure it out tomorrow.
  • …I caught up with social media…didn’t like another stereotypical and biased article on “Career and Indian women”; I have always maintained that it is a personal choice for the woman herself and her family involved, just like any other collective decision made as a family, for the family; like moving to a new place or changing jobs or getting suitable healthcare etc. Who are we to pass judgment or say which is the right way to do it? Is there any right or wrong in this at all? Anyway, it messed up my mood a little…someday I will write a retaliatory piece perhaps or maybe I will just let it go, I have better things to do with my time. I dunno, I’m still mad, but let’s see…only time will tell.
  • ….I switched on the TV and automatically tuned it to Nick Jr. I laughed a little, realizing the goof up, but didn’t bother changing it back to a “grown-up” channel. My mind had already drifted to some other direction and the TV just played on as background noise. Today, I avoided getting sucked into the idiot box. Today I decided I did not have the luxury of a couple of hours to kill (Barry Allen will have to wait until the weekend!).
  • …I fed your pet fish and marveled at their beauty and how they have grown over the last year. I felt proud to have succeeded in keeping them alive till now 🙂
  • … I replayed the day’s events in my head and analyzed and re-analyzed everything, tossing it around and looking at it from all vantage points, just like I have done every single day of my life (Introverts are weird that way…we need our processing time!)
  • …I wondered for the umpteenth time whether I was too harsh on you during homework time and meal times. I felt bad for a couple of mean statements I doled out in the process. Tomorrow, I will try to do better and be better, I promise.
  • …I planned your school tiffin and tomorrow’s lunch and dinner in my head…We are running out of milk, I must remember to buy some in the afternoon. I typed in a list of additional grocery items on my cell phone that we need so that I won’t forget.
  • …I switched on my laptop and worked on my blog’s maintenance. There are a thousand things I don’ t like about the look and feel and functionality (OCD at it’s best!). I noted down my TODO list of bug fixes and code changes in my diary and I tried to cross a few items off the list.
  • …I got bored halfway through the list; those changes are Priority 1 only in my head. Others won’t even notice, I reasoned. So, I pushed back the diary. I decided to tackle the rest over the weekend.
  • …I got excited to see a new comment notification on my blog (I always get super psyched when someone says something, hopefully nice, about my posts 🙂 ). I read and re-read the positive comment…thrice. It made me smile. I immediately typed in the reply and saved it. I will approve both the comment and its reply the next day during my scheduled networking hour, I decided.
  • …I tried to think of a topic for my next post, nothing seemed to stick. I tried to get past my writer’s block without success. Nothing clicked. I decided I will leave the writing for tomorrow morning after I’ve had a good night’s sleep.
  • …Thinking of sleep, I was not very tired just yet. What time was it, anyway? The clock said 1:00 am…Still very early for a night owl like me. So, I randomly browsed through a few of my favorite websites and read a few more articles.
  • …I didn’t realize when, but somewhere along the line, I started browsing your old photos and videos instead. I watched a few of your more recent videos I’d captured on my cell phone and laughed alone, hysterically at times. I missed your touch and your baby smell. I noted with a smile that I am not supposed to call you a “baby” anymore. “I am not a baby, I am big!, you’ve insisted emphatically these past few weeks, every time I’ve had a slip of tongue. Of course, you are big, how dare I treat you like a baby anymore?
  • …I switched off the lights, fan, TV and checked the doors and gas cylinder knobs one last time (This is the good kind of OCD 🙂 ). I decided to call it a night and quietly sneaked back into our room. I watched you sleep, shining the cellphone light right on your face. You moved reflexively at the sudden glare. Those sleep-induced movements haven’t changed since you were an infant. I planted a few (ahem! more like twenty and counting, to be honest!) kisses on your whole body. You smiled in your sleep.
  • …Hubby was snoring by your side, he woke up briefly and commented something incoherently about the time or something, before promptly going back to sleep. He will not remember what he said when I ask him in the morning. He will not even remember that he had woken up and talked to me! He is funny that way ;)!
  • …I carefully shifted you to the middle of the bed. You somehow always manage to come to the edge of the bed while sleeping. I wondered if you dream you are swimming in a giant pool or something every night! How else would such a tiny boy manage to traverse such a huge portion of the family bed and come right to the edge?
  • …I shifted (rather pushed) hubby’s legs to his side of the bed. I will never get what fun it is to sleep diagonally. It’s simply not the most efficient use of space 😉 After making a bit of room, I squeezed myself to your side. Instinctively, you turned towards me and placed your small arm around my neck. This time I pulled you closer. I no longer needed an escape.
  • …I held your small right foot in my hand for a while. It no longer fits in my palm. There was a time when your feet used to be smaller than my little finger. Where has the time flown? I marveled at the speed at which you are growing up.
  • …I looked at the time one last time. 2:00 am. No more time left for reveries. I pulled you even closer, breathed in your sweet baby hair, planted a few more kisses and before long, drifted to a blissful sleep….that is until the cell phone alarm blared right in my ears 5 hours later and I cussed at the morning sun 😉

So, what does your “kid-free” time look like at night? Don’t forget to share!

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