NOTE: I have been in a non-writing mode for a couple of weeks now, simply haven’t been motivated enough. But I have been reading, thinking, letting my train of thoughts run amuck inside my head, just because. There are many things I have thought of during this time, many new ideas craving for a smidge of my attention, but I have felt the need to laze around instead. But today, I am inspired again to write – by darkness (or light, I am not sure which, you decide!). So here goes another random brainwave directed at whosoever is reading 🙂
When the darkness gets to you, let it consume. Let it encompass. Let it gorge your soul with its insatiable hunger. Surrender to it. Accept. Acknowledge.
Yes, acknowledge. Say it out loud again – ACK-NOW-LEDGE. Accept that it exists. Don’t brush it off as a figment of your imagination. Because a boogeyman is scary only till it is intangible. Once you have acknowledged its physicality, it becomes a creepy guy lurking in the closet. A guy you can fight off or run away from (as the case may be), but nonetheless, a living, breathing entity capable of being annihilated, wiped out of existence.
But not just yet. There’s work to be done.
When the darkness gets to you, let it wash over your being, in silence. Feel it. Study it. See it move in you, through you, past you. Watch it suck the light out of you as it moves, dimming your degree of illumination – sliding it down, down, down. Till it gets darker and darker and darker. Till you can no longer see your hands right in front of your eyes. Till you are one with the darkness. Till you are alone in the true sense of the word. Till you are crippled with fear that you are losing “YOU”. Pitch black darkness. Deafening silence. Alone. Afraid.
The darkness is smug in its win. It has consumed you, tarred your soul and you know it. Accept it. Surrender. This round goes to the darkness. Let it revel in its starless glory.
Forgive the loss. Forgive yourself. Don’t apologize. Accept your humanity. Find humility in defeat. Find grace. Find forgiveness. Find acceptance.
Stumble around in the dark. Then walk. Extend your arms. Touch and see what rock bottom feels like. Extend your arms till you find another set of fumbling, lost arms just like yours – looking, hoping to find a way up in the darkness, despite the darkness. Your rock bottom and my rock bottom may look very different from up there, but once you are down in the trenches, it’s one and the same thing. So, hold on tight. Find more lost hands to join. Make a human chain.
Now you are ready. That is your candle and matchbox right there.
When the darkness has gotten to you and devoured your light, light a candle instead. Nothing big or fancy. Just a tiny flicker of hope. Of joy. Of meaningful industry. Say “thank you”. Talk about your darkness in the darkness. Try your singing voice. Try filling a coloring book with rainbows. Try a half-hearted laugh. Then when the dawn breaks out and the darkness begins to fade, start over and crawl out of the hole – new friends and allies in tow. Watch, as your tiny snowpack gathers momentum and becomes an avalanche of blinding light, obliterating darkness in its wake.
But don’t get too smug of your light. Because this play of light and shadow is as old as time. And who are you to attribute a plus value to white and a minus value to black? Who are you to decide one is more beautiful than the other, that light trumps darkness?
Because when the darkness gets to you, you learn more about your soul, your resilience, your courage and things that shine in you than when you are standing in the spotlight, basking in the glory of your brilliant luminescence.
This is not to tell you to stay, to be consumed by the darkness. This is not to say that you belong in dark. Not at all. On the contrary, by all means, let your light dazzle. But do remember that darkness still lurks around the corner, ready for the next round, ready to pounce when you are not mindful. And when it does – and it must in the course of living – remember the things that make you “YOU” and hold on tight for dear life till the morning lifts you up again.